if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
