You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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