sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
