Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
