I would go down on you faster than GM stock
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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