yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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