Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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