Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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