I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
