I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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