i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
