Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
