I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Enjoy the penises
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
