i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
