She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
