i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
