The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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