Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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