You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
