All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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