Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
