Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
