I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
