im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
