TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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