Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
