I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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