First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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