Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
