i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
