My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
