don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
