No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
