i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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