So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
