If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
