is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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