we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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