i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
