So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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