I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
