guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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