the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
