my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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