My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
