i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
