nut hugger
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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