i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
