I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
