i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
