This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
