id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
